John's Journal
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May 05, 2009
John Roberts Cancer Journal May 6 2009: REMAINING CALM
Cancer Journal by John Roberts
Based on the book: Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight
A Positive Guide for Patients, Survivors, Caregivers, and Loved Ones
Book Information and Email subscription at www.CanFighter.com
Journal Archive and Blog RSS at: http://cancerjournal.livejournal.com
Contact: J******@www.CanFighter.com
Remaining Calm
The nervous, worried, upset system endangers itself.
The relaxed brain thinks clearly; the relaxed body is more able to fight deadly internal invaders attempting to survive. The immune system has been improved by evolution––the survival of the fittest––to attack and destroy what it does not understand, what disrupts its equilibrium, what is not part of its orderly world. Do not disarm it with your confusion and fears.
––John Roberts
To bear all naked truths,
And to envision circumstances, all calm,
That is the top of sovereignty.
––John Keats, Hyperion, 1820
You are going supersonic straight up, waiting for the airspeed to bleed off so you can reverse on the MiG chasing you and get off a shot before he does. You have eight seconds to wait. What do you do? Wind the clock.
––Fighter Pilot Legend
Ne’er saw I, never felt, a calm so deep!
The river glideth at his own sweet will:
Dear God! The very houses seem asleep;
And all that mighty heart is lying still!
––William Wordsworth, Composed Upon WestminsterBridge, 1802
––Edith Wharton, 1862-1937
––Plato, The Republic, 370? B.C.
Pleased with the danger, when the waves went high
He sought the storms; but for a calm unfit,
Would steer too nigh the sands to boast his wit.
––John Dryden, Absalom and Achitophel, 1681
Cancer requires equanimity: we need to face challenges with composure and optimism, to remain calm, to maintain control, to rein in our emotions, to avoid overt alarm, and to suppress the internal worry and stress that are counterproductive. We do ourselves unnecessary harm, a form of giving up, if we allow the negative aspects of life with cancer to overcome us. Those emotions have a harmful effect on our physical condition. When we face a great and threatening challenge, when it is all up to our fighting spirit, when we must ignore our fear and maintain our tranquility, we may fall back on our strength of character and face whatever comes with a steadfast heart. No, it is not easy.
Serenity and self-control should dominate the shell of every personality, but should also be a deeper part of our permanent character trained in storms over a lifetime. Our positive demeanor and brave acceptance are rooted deep within, the endless sustenance of our burning need to live on and participate in life. This permanent, unfaltering framework sets the tone for what we are, what we do: it is an expression of our true self, as much a weapon as our spirit. Yet, that impassive core of strength is an assembly of so many things, every version is different. At its heart are our freedom and independence, comfort with self, the lack of wannabe, and a certain amount of distain for the conventional desires and pretensions. We can aspire to this, part of our self-respect; with new battles foreseen, we can construct our own calm within the limits of our own sincerity.
Poise under fire is how we deal with everything, and that is everything. Character is cool, because cool is what we really are, not what we pretend to be. To be really cool it has to be genuine, because phony, copied cool is the most uncool thing we can be. It collapses so easily. That means we have to construct, and then be satisfied with, what we are deep down. Cool, honest folk don’t reinvent themselves, which is not to say that constant self-improvement or changes of direction are out of the question.
This unruffled style and constitution enable our other strengths to function in a stable and positive organism. It spreads to all those around us, who are focused on our attitude and success. Contrast that to the erratic, wandering, brainless cancer cells; they can be powerful in their collective growth, but are weakened by the evolved, united power of our controlled self-defense. But, of course, deeper at the core, beneath all that embedded repose, there should also be a seething heart bursting with fighting spirit and will to live.
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March 28, 2009
John Roberts Cancer Journal March 28, 2009: LETTING GO
A discussion, understanding, and acceptance of death, whether months or years ahead, is an essential part of fighting cancer. It is not morbid or depressing or ceasing to fight. Dealing with it honestly, while fighting, is part of the process of designing the comfort of final days, however distant, and should be done sooner, not later. Cancer fighters are tough, and know how to accept the reality of possibilities as part of their mental discipline. We cannot fight what we do not understand.
Don’t let go too soon, but not too late either.
Letting go is not the inability to hold on before slipping into the void; it is a planned transition to a destination, or at least a final and properly-timed acceptance that is combined with peace and understanding. Letting go means moving on to something better before an accepted death; otherwise it is just giving up, a failure. ––John Roberts Sometimes I wonder if I should just let go.––Therese Roberts, author’s mother, dying of cancer,still fighting, hours before she did so in the presence of her mother and family.The goal of all life is death.––FreudWe must learn to let go to make room for the thingswe have prayed for and desired.––Charles Fillmore There’s an important difference between giving up and letting go.––Jessica HatchiganI wait… wait for the mists and for the blacker rain.––F. Scott FitzgeraldThe act of dying is also one of the acts of life.––Marcus Aurelius, MeditationsLetting go is a normal part of the process of dying that may be managed by the patient. The person may realize, or the doctor may inform, that there is nothing more that can be done to cure; the new objective is to make the remaining time comfortable and to assist in the various mental processes that try to enable a passing in peace and understanding. This may take months, or just hours. In any case, it involves a change of attitude and focus. It does not mean taking down the barriers and wishing for death that will take advantage of no further resistance. It means shifting to attitudes that have been prepared in advance so that the final mental state is what one wishes. It therefore bypasses the resignation of defeat to a new stage of preparation and acceptance.Letting go may permit a sense of relief, a new peace of mind without the rigor of fight, and a transition to a new kind of hope. We have been fighting long and hard, and may be unwilling to change that, ever. But, our stubborn refusal to accept the inevitable may mean only more painful but useless treatment and further suffering by both patient and loved ones. Aggressive treatment may do more harm, and shorten life, compared to palliative treatment designed to improve comfort. There are choices in a hospice setting when death is certain, even if the timing is not. The fear of dying may prevent a patient from accepting an easier passage. Frank discussions earlier may help in reaching decisions later. In the broad picture of life, a few more days of aggressive prevention may be less important than a more restful and expected passing. This permits a smoother, less abrupt end that may be better for all. The change to final acceptance may also mean a change in the patient’s needs and preferences. A new silence and solitude may be desired, which may be disturbing to loved ones who wish to continue communicating and expressing love. The best interests of the patient must be seen, prepared for, and followed. It may be that the patient, with full understanding, will lead loved ones to the final farewell. -
March 21, 2009
John Roberts Cancer Journal March 21 2009 TIME
John Roberts Cancer Journal
For Patients, Survivors, Caregivers, and Loved Ones
Winning is habit-forming: start early, do not practice failing.
Contact: John@www.CanFighter.com
See also the Cancer Journal Archives and Blog
http://cancerjournal.livejournal.com
Time
Our time is measured in quality, not quantity.
Losing time is worse than losing money. The money can be earned again, but the time is lost forever. A rare and wonderful sight is the young person who manages and values time even more than an old person who knows how little is left but lacks the energy and ambition to magnify the treasure of each minute.
––John Roberts
Man has risen so far above all other species that he competes in ways unique in nature. He fights by means of complicated weapons; he fights for ends remote in time.
––Charles A. Lindbergh
We cannot put off living until we are ready. The most salient characteristic of life is its coerciveness: it is always urgent, ‘here and now’ without any possible postponement. Life is fired at us point blank.
––José Ortega Y Gasset, The Mission of the University, 1944
Cancer diagnosis locks our attention on the future, interfering with our need to deal with the present. You will never have a more challenging and rewarding time management problem than in making the best of the time before you die. Those years or months have great value in how we use them and how we view them. A vague perspective forms, but the cold wind swirls the mists.
Time remaining is finite, but always uncertain, always surprising. There comes a time when we should place less emphasis on the amount of time remaining and think more on the quality of that time. Eventually, a doctor must say: “I can do no more to increase the quantity of time remaining; I can only try to preserve the quality of life and minimize suffering.” Care changes from treatment and cure to palliative recognition that there is little more to be done except make remaining time comfortable during the final journey. A different attitude must govern thoughts.
Time management is more than cramming as much work as possible into the limited time available. True, we waste a lot of time in our ordinary lives, and should learn to manage what we do so that the important things get done. When we do something can be more important than how we do it. Doing things at the right time changes the effect. Good things done at the wrong time can be a great waste of effort. Sometimes we may feel the need to rush into valued activities while they are still possible, but we may also discover the important therapy and happiness of just relaxing and enjoying the pleasures of long walks, good books, loved ones, children, and nothing but positive thoughts and light activity. We are slowly building an edifice of peace and understanding from many materials.
The value of time varies as the result of symptom fluctuation, erratic remission, and the waning effectiveness of treatments. There may be much uncertainty about the future. One must not allow emotions to fluctuate between extremes as news and feelings change. Maintain a steady, optimistic course, fitting together hope and realism and the construction of courage and acceptance for final days, whenever that may come. So many cancer patients become long-term survivors, with extended remissions or cures, that there is no sense in creating unhappy days with pessimistic attitudes along the way. We cannot flinch under fire.
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February 18, 2009
John Roberts: Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight, Feb 18 2009 CAREGIVERS
Selected from:
Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight
www.CanFighter.com
III/17. Caregivers
The care of love should flow equally in both directions.
As the superior species, we cannot separate our care and love for an ill or dying loved one from our care and love for everything else that lives. We are all part of that one great tree of life. The more our compassion and responsibility are
all-encompassing, the stronger they become.
––John Roberts
You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.
––Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1803-1882
How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these.
––George Washington Carver
You can run, but you can’t hide. At some point, you’ll have to face the fact that you or someone you care about will have cancer. If we care now, if we become sensitive to the needs of others, if we monitor our behavior during this trying time, our relationships will strengthen. We will be part of the healing solution.
––Rosanne Kalick, Cancer Etiquette, 2005
Whoever destroys a single life is as guilty as though he had destroyed the entire world; and whoever rescues a single life earns as much merit as though he had rescued the entire world.
––The Talmud
The most sensible way to further our own interests, to find our own freedom, and to glimpse our own happiness is often not to pursue the goals directly, but to look after other people’s interests, to help other people be free from fear and pain, to contribute to their happiness. Ultimately, it is all very simple. There is no choice between being kind to others and being kind to ourselves. It is the same thing.
–– Sharon Salzberg,
Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness, 2002
There are many kinds of caregivers––family, friends, doctors, staff, institutions, hired help––but, of course, the one that is the most likely to give the most comfort and happiness is the one who does so with genuine love. In that way, we are able, from both directions, to give and to forgive. The need to give and receive loving care causes the problems and strains of the past relationship to fall away, and the bonds and deep understandings to grow stronger. The illness tends to move into the background when we are focused on the happiness of a refreshed and benevolent relationship. Better late than never.
Every caregiver soon learns that the caregiver also needs care. The responsibility of caring for an ill loved one, often while working or taking care of a family, frequently leads to stress and depression. The difficulty is compounded by the possibility of impending loss and the frustration of uncertainty, complex medicine, decision-making, and dealing with staff and family members. This can reduce the benefits to the patient or even endanger the patient’s recovery or health. It is therefore imperative for the caregiver to attend to self, seek the causes of stress, and make efforts to balance the needs of both parties.
It is often the case that the situation is made more difficult by the patient, who understandably is self-absorbed and inattentive to the feelings and needs of the caregiver. One caregiver told me that her newly-diagnosed boy friend was angry and critical, blaming her for not seeing the difference in degree between her problems, some of which he caused, and his life-threatening condition. The patient, where possible, must build empathy for the others involved, while at the same time be willing to accept the sacrifices they make and try to help.
Above all, however, the caregiver must make a serious effort to understand the journey that the patient is making, to identify the changing condition, goals, and needs of a person who may not yet understand or control them. The patient is bound to need help from a close and perceptive loved one who knows the way through the forest, tempers the difficult emotions, and fosters the discovery of peace and understanding that support the last steps through the gates.
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February 08, 2009
John Roberts: Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight, SURVIVAL
The Cancer Fighter Newsletter
by John Roberts
Based on the book: Cancer: 100 Ways to Fight
A Positive Guide for Patients, Survivors, Caregivers, and Loved Ones
VII/62. Surviving
Your inherited survival instinct is nature’s greatest gift.
Certain and total victory over cancer is achieved only when we die of something else. Being a survivor must put us on optimistic guard. It does not void our happiness.
––John Roberts
Cancer provides a powerful journey that kindles every aspect of our being and offers us a chance for feeling the depth of our experiences in each and every moment. It shouts at us to look straight in the eye at life.
––Roger Granet, M.D., Surviving Cancer Emotionally, 2001
Whether we are treated into remission or cured, no matter how long, cancer may rise again in the same place or some other place. We have learned that we are susceptible. It only takes a few mutated cells or some predisposed genes to start all over again in a system that has shown itself vulnerable. They may take years to make their presence known. There are battles being fought in our system that we may not even know about. We can’t survive until we have fought. We can’t be cured until we have survived. We can win every battle until the last, and then lose the war. It won’t hurt us to fight against something that may not even be there. We can’t take a chance. We must believe in and preserve our health, but cut the cards.
The human instinct is to survive. Only thus did early man resist the predators and change over millions of years into Homo sapiens, while all the others failed. We can find that power, resting deep in our brains, and use it. We may have led an easy life, but that fighting spirit lies within, ready for a little dusting off and serious application. Threats automatically generate the senses of fear and aggression needed to fight. We must change that from the aggression of physical battle to become a mental warrior in whom the strength of the brain is more valuable than the strength of bone and muscle.
John Roberts has been fighting an incurable cancer for three years. Subscribe to this free, weekly newsletter for motivational advice on how to improve and extend life with cancer. Please forward this to others in the world of cancer.